Frithiel
by Lily Lindsey-Aubery
Summary: A young girl starts a journey to save some fairies, and finds her quest very different from what she expected. On the way she meets many interesting (and some annoying) people, including a dutiful Elf, a persistent man, a heroic Hero, a singing cave troll, a goth fairie. . .and many more, just as crazy and insane. Rated K plus just in case, but nothing but gore at the most.
1. Chapter 1 Beginnings

**Disclaimer: **I do not own The Lord of the Rings, The Hobbit, or any of the characters from them. Nor do I own the songs in this story. Anyway, you get the point.

Chapter 1.

Five hundred Orcs traveled the road across the plain. Five hundred, perhaps a few more or less. Barefoot and ragged, they trudged the hot, dusty, winding path back towards Ered Mithrin. That was the place they called home when they were not as they were now, travelling at the bidding of their Master. This time his orders were simple: take the lands to the south, one village at a time, until all the Withered Heath was under his dominion. They had almost succeeded; only three more villages remained. But in the battle against the third, the Orc band was diminished drastically, for the Men fought bravely and desperately for their homes, and the Orcs were forced to return to the mountains and rest as others replaced them. But despite the loss of friends and the hard journey they had taken and had yet to take, the Orcs were cheerful, and some sang lustily in chorus an old favourite ballad they had learned long ago.

'In the Middle of the Earth in a land called Shire

Lives a brave little Hobbit whom we all admire.

With his long wooden pipe, his fuzzy woolen toes,

He lives in a Hobbit-hole and everybody knows him!'

Only some of the soldiers sang the verse, for many of them found the words hard to remember. This is understandable; for most of them had no idea where a land called Shire was, and not one of them knew what a Hobbit was. But they understood living in holes, as they did themselves; and they had seen people smoke pipes, so that was not so far from their comprehension. Still, for them all the chorus was much easier to recall, being mostly the same word over and over again, and they all joined in:

'Bilbo, Bilbo, Bilbo Baggins!

He's only three feet tall.

Bilbo, Bilbo, Bilbo Baggins!

The bravest little Hobbit of them all.*'

On they went, the heavy packs on their backs weighing them down. Behind them the smoke of the pillaged villages rose to the sky, veiling the sun.

!

Koridul, old and grey, sat upon a stump, looking down at the fires below him. He was atop a precipice overlooking the Withered Heath wherein the Orcs had done their mischief, and he held a capacious pipe in his hand. His blue beard hung very short (for a wizard's), and his hair hung even shorter, for he was often in a hurry and couldn't bother with tying it up or pushing it out of the way. Astronomy was his profession, but rarely did he follow it, having much more important things to do usually. That is why it was odd to find him sitting and doing nothing, up on a stump on this sultry afternoon.

The truth is that he was depressed. After all his work, after practicing for weeks ahead of time, his magic still hadn't done the trick. You see, he had developed a potion for the manipulation of Orcs. Or, at least, tried to. He had even tested it on a guinea pig first and it had worked marvelously; so he had put it in some meat and left it in the first village, hoping the Orcs would eat it. They did, but it hadn't worked. So he sat upon the stump, chewing his pipe nervously, trying to think of what to try next.

And then up came Carorfrith.

Carorfrith was a Wolf. Or, I should say, he was a Warg who liked to call himself a Wolf, not liking the connotations the name 'Warg' brought with it. He was a very nice creature; quite affable, really, and he and Koridul had been friends for a great long while. But today, finding Koridul sitting upon a stump, he was not a little annoyed. The whole Heath up in flames and all the Wizard could do was sit and smoke!

'A nasty habit,' he thought, 'I never cared for it myself.'

But he put aside his annoyance for the moment, because he needed the Wizard's help.

'Koridul,' he began. And hesitated, not knowing how to begin. 'You look very- er, happy today.'

Koridul looked at him and frowned. 'Stop laying the butter thick, and get on with what you have to say.' (By 'Laying the butter thick' he meant, 'don't butter me up'.)

'Well, then,' said Carorfrith, 'look here: I have a job for you. Do you see all those burning villages?'

'I observe them to the very last and most minute detail.'

'Wouldn't you like to make up for not helping them out?'

'What do you mean?' Koridul looked hurt. 'I did my best.'

'Well, don't you feel sorry for all those poor, helpless victims?' the Warg continued hastily.

'I feel the most heart-rending sorrow for their tragic ends,' Koridul replied calmly. 'So?'

'Stop,' snapped the Warg (and when a Warg snaps, those who know what's good for them watch out), 'You sound like an Elf.'

'Just tell me what you're getting at,' said the Wizard with a little more respect.

'Listen, then. You remember Nasva, don't you?'

Koridul remembered Nasva. She had been a girl of one of the villages on the Heath, and they once had a waive-as-you-walk-by acquaintance; but then she had gone off and gotten married, and he had never spoken to her since.

'What of her?' he asked. 'Did she escape the fires?'

'I think not; but-'

'Look who's talking like an Elf,' Koridul interjected.

'Silence!' Carorfrith roared. 'Let me finish. I was saying that her infant did. And I'm stuck with it. That's what I'm saying.'

'So?' The Wizard started to understand what his friend was getting at, and he didn't like it. Nasva was all very well as a friend whom one greets when passing on the street; but they hadn't been _that_ good of friends.

'So you should take it. In justice for her, and in consideration for the child, you should take it.'

'No.'

'The poor-'

'No.'

'Weak-'

'Never!'

'Helpless-'

'Oh, alright. Where is the thing?'

'I've left her in my cave. I'll go and get her.'

'Her?' cried Koridul. 'It's a girl? No!'

'Oh, get over it,' said Carorfrith cheerfully, elated at his lucky escape. 'Who knows, she may die young and then you won't have to bother about her anymore.'

'Get out,' growled Koridul, though they weren't _in _anywhere, and thumped his staff upon the ground in mortification. 'I'll have a nervous breakdown,' he cried after the swiftly retreating figure, 'a nervous breakdown! And then you'll be sorry!'

* This song was very popular among the Orcs all over Middle Earth. It came to the forefront when a peddling Dwarf played it on a crank machine for the entertainment of some Orcs who had stopped him on his way (in doing this he saved his own life, for the Orcs were so delighted with the song that they forgave him for being in their path). It was originally sung by Leonard Nimoi in an unsuccessful attempt at a career change, and did not become widely popular for several years.


	2. Chapter 2 Introductions

Chapter 2

15 Years Later

'Wish I had a motorcycle, wish I had a motorcycle, wish I had a motorcycle, wish I had a motorcycle. . .*' Frithiel hummed as she washed the dishes.

'Where did you learn that rubbish?' asked Koridul, coming in the door.

'On the radio,' she said. 'It's a KlishKlash, you know.'

'Why do you listen to such junk?' he asked, flopping down upon the couch and putting his feet upon a convenient table.

'Oh, I know it doesn't compare with Saruman's** channel, but it's still pretty good.'

Koridul lit his pipe. 'Frithiel, I think I have suddenly discovered a way to manipulate Orcs.'

'You said that last week,' she said. He was always thinking he had done it.

'But this time I really have,' he said excitedly. 'All I need to do is to test it.'

'Oh?'

'Yes. And I know just how to do it.'

'Oh.'

'All I need is an Elf!'

Now Frithiel was interested. 'Why on Middle Earth do you need an Elf?'

'Because, my dear accomplice, Orcs were originally Elves. And so if it works on Elves, it'll work on Orcs; you follow me? I'd just test it on an Orc, but I'd feel too sorry for it.'

Frithiel smiled in sudden comprehension. 'I see.' Then she laughed. 'That will be a good joke. Imagine! Manipulating an Elf! They'll probably all have heart attacks!'

'All I need is an Elf,' Koridul repeated, getting up and striding around the room. 'But where to nab one? Ah, yes, that's the question.'

'And an unsolvable one,' said Frithiel, turning back to her dishes. 'Elves are not the easiest thing to trap.'

'How do you know?' asked Koridul, suddenly suspicious. 'Have you been reading my books again?'

'Well. . .' she said uncomfortably.

'Oh, nevermind. But don't do it again. Those books are illegal. If you make them mad I'll have the whole of Mirkwood falling on me. . .Mirkwood!' Koridul's face lit up like a beacon. 'That's it!'

'What?'

'I'll go to Mirkwood and steal me an Elf. I have to pack. Finish the dishes and then pack some food for me.' He headed for the stairs down to the level below.

'But my dear mentor,' Frithiel protested, 'You just mentioned how you cannot have Mirkwood falling on you, and if you manipulate them you surely cannot expect them to take kindly to you!'

'You don't understand; this is for science!' He disappeared down the stairs.

Frithiel frowned. And then laughed.

'Manipulating Elves! I would give a lot to see that!'

!

'Ho!' cried an unexpected voice outside the window. Frithiel started up in surprise and ran to the door.

'Carorfrith! How nice of you to come over.'

'Hello, old face. Where's the Wiz?'

'He's gone to catch an Elf, but never mind, come and have some tea.'

'An Elf?' Carorfrith laughed. 'Whatever for? Those things are terrible to have around, and they don't even taste good.'

'Carorfrith!' Frithiel said, aghast.

'I didn't mean that,' he said hastily. 'I meant they don't look like they'd taste good.'

'Well, never mind. They do seem pretty awful, I have to admit.'

'More than awful. They're atrocious! Have you ever met one?'

'No, thank goodness! Toffy says they're the Balrog's nightmares, and she would know.'

'Oh, yes, she'd know. She was caught by them once.'

'Really? How?'

'Well, you know, they're always looking out for innocent Orcs to chop up, and Toffy just happened to be looking for something to eat, when she ran into a whole slew of them. They would have cut her up first thing, but they happened to be studying Orcs for some scientific reason; they needed a cure for something, I think***. Anyhow, she escaped.'

'Well that's fortunate.'

'I know, right? She said it was ghastly, all the hair everywhere wherever she turned.'

'The poor thing!'

Their conversation was interrupted by Toffy herself peeking in the door. 'Hello, all,' she said, shyly sticking in her head.

Toffy was an Orc. It may seem strange that decent people like Frithiel and Koridul hung out with them, but they had learned to get along with Orcs since the time of the Orcish occupation. The Orcs came slowly in, filling the Withered Heath, and had been kind to the Wizard, since he wasn't in their way, and they didn't quite know his powers yet. Some of them had become quite friendly, and liked to visit, knowing there was usually something to eat here. Toffy was one of these.

'Hello, Toff, come in!' Frithiel called, pouring another cup of tea.

'I can't stay long,' the little Orc said, sitting down with them. 'I have to be back before sunset. But I wanted to show you what I found.' She pulled out from her tattered clothes an old brown bottle.

Frithiel and Carorfrith leaned forward to get a better look.

'Colk gave it to me. He found it on the beach of Belfalas when he went there last summer, and he wanted someone to read it, because none of us can and he wondered what it said.' She uncorked it and pulled out a piece of paper.

'All the way down in Belfalas?' asked Carorfrith. 'It's a long way.'

'It's part of the campaign,' said Toffy, a little shortly. She cannot be blamed, for the campaign was a touchy subject for her.

'Let me see,' said Frithiel, reaching for the note. 'A real note in a bottle! I thought those were just in stories!' She unfolded it and read:

'Dear Rescuer,

I am a Fairie. I need your help. Please come to Eryn Vorn. If you do not the earth will fail and you will be forever cursed.

Yours Affectionately,

An Unfortunate Survivor'

Naturally all three were terribly uncomfortable when they heard the contents of the note. It sounded urgent, and awfully serious. What should they do?

'It's getting late,' said Toffy, hastily standing up and knocking over her tea cup. 'I need to be back before sundown. So long!' and she was gone.

'I should go too,' said Carorfrith, going to the door. Then he turned back. 'What are you going to do about it?'

Frithiel pondered for a moment, gazing at the paper on the table before her. 'I'm going to go find Koridul, and get him to help me save this poor Fairie.'

'But he's in Mirkwood catching Elves.'

'Since he is in Mirkwood, to Mirkwood I will go!' she declared. 'Goodnight, Carorfrith. I shall be gone by tomorrow; if I never return, write upon my epitaph, "She died for the cause of another.'

'Alright.'

'Or, no, I like, "One who was not celebrated half as much as she deserved" better.'

'If I remember.' Carorfrith left.

Frithiel began to pack.

* This song was written by a Cave Troll named Klishklash who aspired to be a vocalist. It was only popular for a few hundred years, and was trending at this time.

** Saruman, the White Wizard, produced a single entitled 'Trololo', which was an instant success and was included in the Gallio book of Middle Earth Records as the most popular song of all time. He also released an album called 'Singin' Down the Mountain'.

*** This was at the time when Thranduil's bouts of Orc-ness were just coming on. He was feverishly seeking for a cure to his malady, and had made a decree that no Orc was to be slain without his scientists first examining it. For more about Thranduil's malady, see 'Crepuscular Incunabula' by c.c. gaylord


	3. Chapter 3 Mirkwood

Chapter 3.

It was a more serious thing for Frithiel to go to Mirkwood than it would be for you or me. Frithiel had been her whole life in and among Orcs, and had many Orcish friends. Everything she had ever heard about Elves was bad, and though she was aware that the Orcs had burned her home and killed her parents, she knew that had been generations of Orcs ago, and did not carry a grudge against them. Really she feared Elves a great deal more than she even feared the Orcs' master in Ered Mithrin. So going into Mirkwood, the very pit of Elvishness, was no easy thing for her.

Still, she had made up her mind, and go she would. So she grabbed her bow and quiver, some shiny ninja knives, and her attractive cloak and hood and leapt upon SneLumi, her trusty Unicorn, who would bear her whither she chose to go.

It was not far to Mirkwood, but the land in between was rough and unkempt. The Withered Heath and the Grey Mountains lay before her, and it took two days to cross them. When the forest was finally in sight she was exhausted and almost out of food. She suddenly realized the futility of her mission. How would she ever find her guardian in the tangles of Mirkwood? But she was not one to give up, and she traveled on, hoping against hope that she would find him easily.

One thing she determined: at all costs she could not tell the Elves her true purpose. Though Koridul had told her not to, she had read many of his illegal* books and knew there was a fierce enmity between Elves and Fairies. If the Elves found she was going to help the Fairies, she was sure she would be stopped.

Entering the forest she dismounted and continued leading the Unicorn**. The air was heavy and muggy, and underneath her the ground squelched sickeningly. She was slightly cold in the shade after the hot sun, and shivered.

The forest seemed to go on forever in all directions. She feared to leave the path, having heard tales of the horrors that dwelled in the shadows of those accursed trees, and so she walked on for hours it seemed in the dim semi-twilight of Mirkwood.

She heard them before she saw them. Frith had always had excellent hearing, and when she heard the slight rustle of leaves she was instantly on her guard. She fitted an arrow to her string in a moment, and looked about her, fearing some attack.

Out from all sides jumped tall, pale figures with lengthy blonde hair. There were about six of them, and each pointed an arrow at her heart. Though she had never seen one, she had heard much of Elves, and she recognized these immediately for what they were.

'Raise your hands,' said one who appeared to be the leader.

She did so, more displeased than surprised at their non-welcoming comittee.

'Take her weapons,' he said.

'What are you doing?' she asked, exceedingly annoyed. 'What do you want with me?'

'Grab that animal,' he continued, ignoring her, much to her frustration, 'and bring it.'

'You'll do nothing of the sort,' she said. 'You can't just molest innocent creatures!'

'Nothing is innocent that I say is not,' he said. She rolled her eyes.

'Go, SneLumi, run!' she called, and her Unicorn dashed off into the shadows.

'Aw, man!' said the Elf. 'Dude!'

'That's "Dudette" to you, sir,' she said haughtily.

'It's gone, Ilieth,' said another Elf. 'Shall we give chase?'

The top banana ignored him and turned to Frithiel.

'You have a Unicorn, and he is trained. How came you by this knowledge?'

By this time Frith was excessively annoyed; for one thing, the Elves had taken her stuff; for another thing, her hands were being pinned behind her back by an Elf who was surprisingly strong for his looks; for a third, they were pointing arrows at her when she had done nothing to them. She was very angry.

'That's none of your business. Will you just let me go? Oww!' she cried suddenly, more from anger than from pain; they were tying her hands.

'Do not tie her,' said Ilieth; 'She cannot escape.'

'Well that's comforting,' she said. 'Where are you taking me?'

'To King Thranduil of Mirkwood,' he said shortly. 'Come on.'

Frithiel, much as she would have liked to, did not resist. After all, if Koridul had come to steal an Elf, he would likely go to the place where the most Elves were, which was probably where the Elf king was. Anyway, if she was going to the king then she would get a fair trial and would probably be let go. After all, they couldn't just put someone in prison who hadn't done anything, could they?

So Frith was blindfolded, and led off to the palace of Thranduil.

* Elven rulers, especially King Thranduil of Mirkwood, cracked down hard on the owners and writers of illegal books. Many of these volumes were writings by people of other races (Dwarves, Orcs, and Fairies in particular) who disliked the Elves.

** Unicorns were not mute originally, but were more like dragons; able to speak and communicate in an educated manner with those of other races. However, SneLumi was lost as a foal in the mountains, and had never learned to speak.


	4. Chapter 4 Conversation with a King

Chapter 4.

When Frith's blindfold was removed she found herself in Thranduil's palace. Though it was built in a mountain, the arching roof soared far above their heads.

She was led before an Elf, several inches taller than the rest, with a large, leafy, prickly crown upon his head, and she rightly guessed him to be the king.

'Kneel to the king,' Ilieth advised, giving her a push forward.

'What is your name?' asked Thranduil.

Frithiel did not answer. He turned towards her, angered by her silence.

'Answer me,' he said, in a strangely threatening, though quiet voice.

'Telethia,' she lied.

He turned away again, as if the sight of a non-Elf upon his royal carpet was too much for him.

'Why do you enter my kingdom, unattended by any companion? The times are dark, and there is evil everywhere.'

Frithiel decided her best method was politeness. 'I expected no attack in your domain,' she lied again, 'especially not from your people. I had thought the Elves welcomed travellers more courteously.'

'Strangers we do not welcome,' he said haughtily. 'They are no concern of ours.'

'Then I am no concern of yours,' she said quickly. 'Perhaps I should go now; I'm in rather a hurry.'

'You,' he said slowly and deliberately, 'are not going anywhere.'

The door slammed shut behind Frithiel, and with an effort she did not turn around. 'Why not?' she asked nervously.

'Because you have traversed my forest without my permission,' he said haughtily, 'and you have not told me why.'

'You have no right to hold me prisoner,' she said, just as haughtily, 'nor do you have the right to demand of me what I do or where I go.'

'This is my kingdom!' cried Thranduil hotly. 'I have the perfect right to do as I please.' Then he smiled slowly. 'But I already know why you ride through my forest.'

'Wait, what?'

'You travel through my domain that you might discover my secret and reveal it to the world. You think you can hide this from me, but you can't. Nothing goes on in this forest that I don't hear about.'

'I'm doing nothing of the sort,' she said, slightly amused.

'It matters not,' he said airily. 'I have my suspicions. But even without those I have reason to keep you here.'

'State your reasons,' Frith said scornfully.

Thranduil smirked. 'I am the king of the Elves. It is therefore my duty to protect all my race. I must keep you here for your own good. If you travel out into the wilderness you will perish and I will be responsible. You are a young Elf without parent or guardian, and I must protect you as best I might.'

'I am no Elf,' she said feelingly, 'and you are not my king. I can take perfect care of myself.'

'But you are,' said Thranduil.

'Why on Middle Earth would you think that?'

'Ilieth, bring the bow.' He held up her trusty weapon that had been taken from her. 'This was not made by any mere man,' he said.

'Mere man indeed! Of course not! I'm no mere man, I'm a woman.'

'Ha! You made it, didn't you? And only an Elf crafts like this.'

'That can't be true, because I made that and I'm not an Elf.'

Thranduil wasn't exactly sure how to respond to this. 'Well, anyways, It will all be cleared up tonight,' he said uncomfortably.

'What do you mean?' she asked suspiciously.

'All Elves-' began Ilieth, eager to flaunt his Elven lore, but he was interrupted.

'All Elves,' said Thranduil, glaring at him, 'bear an Elven rune upon the wrist that signifies what race of Elves they belong to. It only shows on the first night of Spring every year. We shall observe and see whether you are what I think you are or not.' Thranduil turned away and motioned for Ilieth to remove Frithiel, which he began to do, none too gently.

'Wait!' she cried suddenly. 'I see you won't let me go unless I tell you the truth.'

Thranduil jerked around. 'Yes.'

'I am an agent of Xtend, and I was sent to spy on the Fairies.'

'The Fairies?' repeated Ilieth.

'Xtend?' mused Thranduil, then said suspiciously, 'what on Middle Earth is that?'

'It is an agency,' Frith responded quickly, 'that keeps track of all- of all hostile races and makes sure that they do not overstep their bounds. I was sent to spy upon the Fairies because we believe they are planning an attack upon the Elves of Mirkwood. I wasn't supposed to tell you because it goes against our policy, but you see I had no choice.'

'I have not heard of Xtend,' said Thranduil slowly. 'You will have to wait until we can verify your claims.'

'I don't have time,' said Frith impatiently. 'If the information we have is true then the attack is coming very soon, so I have to get there quickly.'

'Do not think I will be tricked so easily, my little friend,' sneered the Elf. 'I am not that big of a fool.'

'I didn't think you'd believe me,' she sighed. 'I suppose there's nothing I can do for you, then. They'll just get the upper hand, as usual.'

'Who says they usually get the upper hand?' asked the king hotly. 'They do not.'

'Of course I'll promise to come back,' she continued slyly, 'then if my claims were wrong you could put me to death, and if they were right you can let me go.'

The Elven king stood in thought for a long moment, then finally said, 'I will let you go if you swear to return.'

'Very well. I swear by Emendilethia to return. Now I must go. I'm in a dreadful hurry. My weapons?' Frithiel grabbed her things and swept hastily out, chuckling to herself.

Soon she was out of the forest, back into the bright sunlight, escaped from the Elven king's realm.


	5. Chapter 5 Conflict

Chapter 5.

'That was close,' she said.

'Stand still,' cried a thundering voice, and from the sky fell a bearded man. He was big and very strong looking and wore warrior's apparel; a long red cape hung from his shoulders, and his golden hair flew out behind him. Frithiel started back in surprise.

'What in all of - anything - are you?'

'I am Thelsol, of the Misty Mountains, and I have come to rescue you.' His voice was deep, and had a slightly Australian ring to it.

Frithiel raised an eyebrow.

'I have come to rescue you,' he repeated.

'Thankyou, but I don't need rescuing,' she said. 'Byebye!'

'I must take you to my fwatha,' he insisted. 'My fwatha commanded me to bring you home.'

'Um, does your dad happen to be a king? Because my last meeting with one of those didn't go so well.'

'He is; and he commanded me to bring you home.'

'Why?' her eyebrow was levitated once more.

'Because he is your fwatha.'

'Eeu.' She gave him a look that said, 'You're crazy.'

'Come on, Frithiel,' he said.

'You know my name!' she said in horror.

'Of course; I'm your bwotha. Let's go.'

'No, let's not,' she said, regaining her equilibrium. 'If you touch one hair of my head, I'll cry out, and instantly to my aid will rush someone out of the forest.'

'Who?' asked Thelsol.

'Me!' cried a high voice, and out from behind some bushes leapt Ilieth, the Elf.

'What did I tell you?' Frith said smugly.

'How did you know I was following you?' asked Ilieth incredulously.

'Snoop,' said Frithiel. 'Never trust an Elf.'

Thelsol laughed. 'You think this mere girl can stop me?'

'No,' said Ilieth innocently, 'that's why I came to her aid.'

Frithiel, comprehending his meaning more clearly, said, 'This is an Elf. _His _name is Ilieth.'

Thelsol looked at Ilieth in shocked silence for a moment. 'That explains it,' he said in disgust. 'Come on, Frithiel.'

'Wait!' said Ilieth. 'If you try to take her I'll fight you.'

'I don't hit girls,' said Thelsol chivalrously.

'If you people start fighting I could easily escape,' said Frith helpfully.

'I am no person,' said Ilieth, offended.

'We can see that,' said Thelsol.

'Well, then, being, if you prefer,' said Frithiel. 'Anyways, I'm going to run if you two engage in mortal combat.'

'But I'll run after you and catch you up easily,' said Thelsol. 'It will be the work of a moment for me to defeat this puny little-'

'You would die before your blow fell,' said Ilieth, fitting an arrow to the string in an instant.

'Byebye,' said Frith, turning to go.

'Wait!' cried Ilieth, lowering his bow. 'We can work this out.'

'That's more like it,' saith Frithiel. 'You're going to come with me, I suppose.'

'I care not,' said Thelsol with a shrug. 'You will have to come with me eventually; I can wait.'

'And Ilieth was going to follow me anyhow, so it's all settled,' said Frith. 'I'll admit I'm rather glad to have you two people- beings, I mean, coming with me. Now I won't be alone in the wilderness. Speaking of which, I think I hear Orcs approaching.'

'Orcs?' cried Thelsol.

'Run!' advised Ilieth.


	6. Chapter 6 Heroes and Villains

Chapter 6.

Orcs are fast, but Men, Elves, and Frithiels are faster.

Run they did with a vigor that would have astonished Bilchsteim*. It was quite a long way, but it seemed no matter how long they tried, they could not shake off the Orcs' hot pursuit. Frithiel harboured for a full five minutes the hope that she could elude her captors in the chase, but this hope soon fell in ruin when she realized that the Man and the Elf were going slower so that she could keep up.

'My Elf-eyes see a cave,' said Ilieth observantly.

'No one asked them,' said Thelsol.

'Where? Where is it?' asked Frithiel, gasping for breath.

'In the shadows to the right,' Ilieth answered helpfully.

They dove into the cave just in time and the Orcs thundered past without seeing them.

'Whew,' said Frith, 'that was close.'

'Hands up!' cried a voice behind them. Whirling around they found themselves face to face with a Man. Perhaps he was a Man. He laughed jovially. 'Ha ha! My dear people! What brings you to this cave at such a moment?'

'We were being pursued by a pack of Orcs; they followed us from Mirkwood,' said Ilieth, and cried out in pain as Frithiel nudged him.

'Why did you not stay and fight?' asked the Man. 'You cowardly excuses for life!'

'How dare you?' thundered Thelsol. 'Who do you think you are?'

'I'm a Hero, first order.'

'That's nice,' said Thelsol dryly. 'Seeing you give yourself all your own admiration I see that mine is completely unnecessary.'

The Hero (whose name was Horalindr) looked put out.

'The Heroes did not name themselves,' Ilieth explained. 'They were awarded the title for brave and fierce deeds done for the inhabitants of Middle Earth in the golden days when dragons and villains roamed the earth. But their number has slowly dwindled; I have watched as the Castolphi have faded away, one by one.'

Thelsol coughed.

'This is all very interesting,' observed Frith, 'but we really should be going.'

'Going?' Horalindr smiled slowly. 'Not so my good people.'

'Beings,' she corrected quickly. He took no notice.

'I am a Castolpha and am therefore responsible for the welfare of the people in Middle Earth, and so I must beg, insist, that you tell me what you're doing, where you're going, and who you are, and the last first, if you please.' He leaned upon his sword, an affable smile upon his face.

'We are-' began Ilieth. Thelsol groaned.

'We haven't time,' said Frith hastily, grabbing Ilieth's hand and dragging him towards the entrance to the cave.

'Not so fast,' said Horalindr, now with a voice not so affable. He held a glowing match above a cask near the back of the cave. 'I have something here that will blow you sky-high if you don't do as I say.'

Frithiel ground her teeth. 'How much I suffer at the hands of those who think they are responsible for my welfare,' she sighed.

'Huh?' said Ilieth.

'My name is Frithiel, and I was long under the guardianship of Koridul, the astronomer, until one day he- um, went on a journey. And. . .Oh, yes; upon this journey he was burned to death by the hands, or should I say mouth? of a fell dragon. Therefore have I traversed the world, through shadow and through sunlight, to bring to justice this vile and evil basilisk.'

'Bravo!' said Thelsol. 'You sound almost like an Elf.'

Ilieth looked at her in astonishment. 'That's not what you told me,' he said.

'I told you a lie, that's all,' she retorted. 'Would you expect me to have told you this?'

'Of course not. Let's go,' said Thelsol, who was getting bored.

'Not so fast.' Now an altogether different voice uttered the words.

'This is getting monotonous,' Thelsol observed. They turned to find in the entrance a tall, dark figure. The plume on his hat fluttered in the breeze and he leaned upon his sword with as un-affable a smile as can be imagined. Dare I say it rivaled the MOS'**?

'I have caught you all in one trap,' he divulged very cleverly, 'and I shall not let you escape.'

'Tell us something we don't know,' said Thelsol. The tall dark figure smiled toothilier.

'Ah, my dear friend, you do not know what I know. You do not know that this girl you are traveling with is a runaway princess, and that she holds the power of the house of Emendilethia within her grasp.'

'Neither did I,' Frith gasped.

'This is a revelation,' observed Ilieth.

'Well,' said the figure, shifting uncomfortably, 'to tell the truth, that was only a guess- I mean test. From your reactions I think I can safely say she is not. At any rate,' he said, regaining his toothy smile, 'I have you in my power.'

Horalindr sauntered forward with a debonaire smile that rivaled even the villain's in toothiness, swinging his sword with a dashing flourish.

'Here is someone who is not in your power,' he said. 'Draw your sword and fight like a Man.'

'He can't draw his sword; it's already in his hand,' said Frithiel impatiently. 'Just get on with it.'

'I shall draw it all the same,' he said haughtily, and did, twirling his moustache the while.

'On guard!' cried Horalindr.

'Beware my blade!' countered the man.

'Cliche,' said Thelsol, wearily flicking a fly from his shoulder.

'Your name, my good man?' asked the villain, ignoring Thelsol's helpful input.

'Horalindr, Hero of Heroes and first in the order of Emendilethia, Castolpha of Middle Earth, Defender of Gondor, Guardian of-'

'And I am Xeal, the great, the mighty, the powerful, the deadly, the unquenchable!' he paused, 'and the-'

'Defeated!' cried Horalindr, striking an unbeatable stroke down upon the head of Xeal. 'Beg for mercy, dog!'

'Mercy I beg of you,' Xeal said sulkily.

'So be it. I must be off to the aid of this damsel in distress. . .' he turned to find all three gone.

'Curses!'

* Bilchsteim are large, scaly, antlered beasts prevalent in Asgard. They are repulsive, and they trample everything in their path.

** MOS, or the Mouth of Sauron, was famous for his smile; in fact, he earned quite a fortune by being the 'before' picture in a before and after toothpaste commercial.


	7. Chapter 7 Unpleasant Discovery

Chapter 7.

Frithiel had tried to slip off when Horalindr was fighting, of course; but unfortunately she did not succeed. Thelsol and Ilieth immediately noticed and followed stealthily in her footsteps. By the time the Hero had conquered the villain they were far to the South-East, heading towards the Sea of Rhun, had they but known it.

'Let's stop here for the night,' said Frithiel when she judged that they were far enough away from Horalindr. They were now in a flat plain, broken only by the river they had been following. It was cold, and beginning to snow, but they had no wood to start a fire with. Ilieth didn't mind; Elves are not sensitive to cold. But Thelsol and Frithiel were uncomfortable, and wanted some rest.

Ilieth and Thelsol both insisted on staying up, and this annoyed Frith. It meant that she'd have to stay up, too, and make sure one didn't kill the other in the night, leaving no reason to let her continue her journey. But she decided it was worth it; if they wore each other out then she could drop them both when she didn't need them any more. She smiled to herself, then sighed, looking up at the bright moon above her. Suddenly she remembered what Thranduil had said. Quickly she held up her hand in the moonlight, and her worst fears were realized. She cried out involuntarily to see the pale blue runes on her wrist.

Up leapt Ilieth and Thelsol.

'What is it?' cried Ilieth, who had evidently fallen asleep despite his protestations against doing so a moment before.

'It's nothing,' said Frithiel, putting her hands behind her back. But Ilieth had Elf-eyes.

'Well what do you know?' he said. 'King Thranduil was right.'

'About what?' asked Thelsol suspiciously.

Frithiel ignored him. 'I am no Elf,' she protested to Ilieth. 'I could swear it. I look nothing like an Elf. I am short, and the length of your locks exceeds that of mine by a goodish stretch.'

'That is not to be wondered at; you are probably only half-Elven. And anyone can cut his hair.'

'Then why don't you?' asked Thelsol.

'You people have no taste in hair,' Ilieth sniffed. Thelsol snorted in disgust.

'Anyhow, I'm not an Elf,' Frith insisted.

'Why don't you want to be an Elf?' asked Ilieth. 'Elves are cool.'

'You want my reasons? One: They've got freakishly long hair. That's creepy. Two: If I'm an Elf, do you realize that I'll be _stuck _being alive forever? Forever! And three: You're one, and I don't want to be associated with you in any way whatsoever.'

'Well, too bad for you, then,' said Ilieth calmly.

'Ahh!' she screamed in frustration. 'Thelsol, tell him I'm not an Elf.'

'Of course she isn't an Elf. She's my sister.'

'I am not!' she cried. 'Ilieth, tell him I'm not.'

'Don't be silly. She has Elven runes on her wrist and only Elves have Elven runes on their wrists. That proves it.'

'It does no such thing,' objected Thelsol. 'It was probably put there by some ill-meaning Fairie who wanted to play a nasty trick.'

'Yes. Yes; that could be true,' said Frith, brightening at the thought.

'Speaking of Fairies,' said Ilieth, suddenly frowning, 'what was all that rot you told the king about the spy organization and spying on the Fairies?'

'Oh, let's not talk about that right now.'

'I think we should.'

'No, we shouldn't, because I hear some more Orcs coming.' Frith picked up her skirt and began to run again.

'But I- I mean _you_ haven't slept a wink,' said Ilieth. 'You'd think you could just summon up Orcs whenever you want to.'

Frithiel smiled.

But they followed her.

Frithiel was very tired. If the Orcs had been chasing her, they would have caught them up very soon; but they happened to be hunting things bigger than mere Men or Elves.


	8. Chapter 8 The Sea

Chapter 8.

'Do you know,' commented Frithiel as they rested for lunch, 'that I have already escaped seven unhappy endings to my quest?'

'Three,' corrected Ilieth. 'Four, if you count this beast,' he pointed at Thelsol, 'but I wouldn't say you've escaped him yet.'

'Oh, no, there were much more than that,' she said. 'First there was the dangerous journey through Orc-ridden plains; then there was you; then-'

'Me? I don't count,' protested Ilieth.

'I agree with Ilieth. He's not a threat,' said Thelsol.

'He tried to stop me,' she said stubbornly. 'Then there was Thelsol; then there was- well, anyhow, I tell you there was seven. I have been remarkably lucky so far.'

'It's because of me,' said Ilieth. 'I will one day save the world. It's my destiny; see?'

Thelsol gasped. 'Your mom let you get a tattoo?' he asked enviously.

Down Ilieth's arm curled a tattoo of a red snake.

'That's a pretty tasteless tattoo,' Frith observed.

'It's a sign that I will save the world,' Ilieth insisted. 'Aren't you glad I came along?'

'No,' said Frith tactlessly. 'What have you done so far? Even Xeal was stopped by that Hero, not by you.'

'That was artfully done,' said Thelsol.

'I know; It was done by a professional,' said Ilieth, looking at his tattoo.

'I wasn't talking about that,' said Thelsol. 'I meant, letting them fight each other so neither would get us.'

'Exactly,' said Frith, smiling quietly. 'Let's go.'

'Yes, but which direction?' asked Thelsol. 'Where are we going exactly?'

'I don't really know,' said Frith. 'I was looking for Koridul in Mirkwood, but that went flop. So I guess I should just go by myself.'

'I'm coming, too,' said Ilieth.

'I meant, without Koridul.'

'Who's Koridul?' Thelsol asked.

'My guardian. Anyhow, If I try to get there myself, I should go West, which is right over there.' Frith pointed into the distance.

'It is not. That's North,' Ilieth contradicted.

'I live in the North. Don't you think I know where North is?' Frithiel demanded, stamping her foot.

'No.'

'Arg. Just come on.'

'I'm telling you, it's not West,' said Ilieth.

'West is that way,' said Thelsol, pointing South.

'That's South,' said Ilieth. 'You should listen to me!'

'Oh, alright, I'll tell you what we'll do,' said Frith. 'We'll go in halfway in between. If you think that way's South, and this way's North, than in between must be West, right?'

'OK,' said Ilieth.

So they went East.

Ten minutes they found themselves climbing over dunes and looking at the sea.

'The sea,' observed Ilieth for them.

'Thanks for letting us know that we're not seeing things,' said Thelsol.

'I told you this was the right way,' said Frith triumphantly.

'No, you wanted us to go North,' Ilieth reminded her.

'Let me see,' said Thelsol, pulling out a map.

'What were you doing with that in your pocket?' Frith asked. She looked over his shoulder. 'See, look, here we are.' She pointed to Harlindon.

'That's strange,' mused Thelsol. 'I didn't think we'd be able to get across all Middle Earth in only fifteen minutes. But that's good. Now where?'

'We can't be there; we didn't cross any mountains!' said Ilieth.

'That is true,' said Frith thoughtfully. 'Well, then, smarty, where are we?'

'I don't know,' said Ilieth.

'Well, to get anywhere we have to get across it, the sea, I mean, anyhow. So hush, beings, and let me think how to do it.'

'Swim,' said Thelsol. 'It can't be all that wide.'

'It's a sea, for goodness' sake,' groaned Frith. 'We're not all-powerful, are we?'

'No!' said Ilieth rather hastily, 'let's not swim.'

Thelsol turned around and looked at him with interest. 'You can't swim?' he asked.

Ilieth shifted uncomfortably.

'No need to,' Frith called. 'If we follow the shore we're sure to come to a port and we can hire a boat.'

'Do you have any money?' Ilieth asked, glad to change the subject.

'That's where you two p- beings come in handy,' she said. 'Do you?'

'No,' said Thelsol.

'Really?'

'No. None. Nada. Nulevoi.'

Frithiel sat down on the sand. 'I suppose I'll have to just wait here for the Hero to come and save me again,' she sighed.

'Oh, alright,' said Thelsol, digging in his pocket.


	9. Chapter 9 Meanwhile

Chapter 9.

When Frithiel had entered Mirkwood, Koridul had not even reached it yet. He had chosen the path down past the Lonely Mountain and Esgaroth, and had taken the Forest Road hoping to find a stray Elf. So when Frithiel reached the Elven king's palace, he was far to the South, just entering the forest.

In normal circumstances Koridul would have been very loathe to traverse Mirkwood. He knew enough about Thranduil to know that if he was caught he would likely have his head cut off. He also had heard tales of the pets. While other places had donkeys or dragons, it was said that the king of the Elves kept giant spiders. So he had great reason to fear the forest. But in the elation of his discovery (the manipulating Orc substance) he put aside his fears and went boldly into the wood.

As Frithiel had found, it was dark and musty, and there was no wind. Koridul wrapped his cloak tighter around him, though it was rather stifling under the trees. It was times like these that he wished he had a different staff. One like Radagast's, or Gandalf's. Theirs lit up.

Koridul heard a distant scuffling in the shadows.

'An Elf? Or a spider?' he wondered. Crouching down he peered into the darkness. He decided to be safe, and didn't follow the sound. 'At any rate,' he thought, 'If it were an Elf I would have seen it's hair.'

But he soon realized his mistake, for a dreadful shriek came from the thing, soon followed by a thump and a twang.

'Lemme' said a voice, following it up with a long drawn out 'Gooooo!'

'My Elf! My Elf!' cried Koridul excitedly, jumping into the undergrowth towards the sounds.

There he found engaged in a fierce battle a fat giant spider and a very small, short, shrimpy Elf. Well, it might have been an Elf; Koridul wasn't sure. Elves weren't usually small, short, or shrimpy. And they usually didn't dress in black T-shirts with skulls on them. And though he had never heard that they didn't exist, he had never heard of an Elf with black hair. And this one was wearing black nail polish and lots of eyeliner. But then you never know with Elves. They can be rather strange at times, and of this Koridul was aware.

But despite the oddity of the personage, Koridul decided to take the chance. He promptly saved him from the spider. As the arachnid disappeared into the shadows, he looked over his captured Elf thoughtfully.

'Not quite what I was expecting to get,' he said, 'but you do look rather more Orcish than most, I guess.'

'What are you talking about?' asked the Elf, standing up.

Now that the Elf was standing, Koridul could see how shrimpy he actually was. He must have been only about 4'10 when standing on his toes. He looked almost like a malnourished Dwarf. He was string-bean thin, even for an Elf.

'_Are _you an Elf?' asked Koridul doubtfully.

'Yeah,' answered the youth, wiping blood from his wounded forehead. Seeing this, the Wizard remembered that the Elf had almost been eaten by a giant spider.

'You shouldn't wander alone in Mirkwood,' he advised. 'It's not safe, especially for one so young.'

'I am not young,' the youth protested. 'King Thranduil said "A day is as a thousand years to an Elf."'

'I think it was the other way around,' said Koridul. 'How old are you, anyway?'

'Fourteen,' he answered sheepishly.

Koridul was getting worried. Maybe this strange Elf wouldn't work for his experiment after all. He was so odd, even for an Elf, that the Wizard began to doubt that he was an Elf at all.

'Listen,' he said after a moment's thought, 'Are you quite sane?'

'No,' the boy answered promptly. 'I was put in an institution.'

Koridul backed away a little bit. 'What for?'

The youth sat upon a rock and sighed. 'No one around here understands me,' he said sadly. 'They say I'm crazy because I'm a Goth. It's so not fair.'

'A Goth?' repeated Koridul, suddenly comprehending.

'Yeah. There's this really cool show on TV about this Goth Balrog. So I dressed like this and dyed my hair. And they incarcerated me, but I escaped.'

'I can see why they institutionalized you,' said Koridul. 'You are crazy. But I'll make a deal with you- what's your name?'

'Amara,' said the youth, giving Koridul his hand. 'And yours?'

'Koridul the Blue,' said Koridul. 'Nice to meet you.' And they were friends.

'As I was saying,' the Wizard continued, 'I have a deal: you can come with me and be under my protection if you promise to help me test my experiment.'

'You mean let you test it on me?' asked Amara suspiciously.

'Ye- how did you know?' asked the astonished Wizard.

'Because Thranduil already tried that on me.' Koridul was horrified. 'Yeah, I know, it's awful. He tests his scientists' experiments on the residents of his insane asylum.' Amara looked around, making sure no one was near. 'No one's supposed to know, but the king is turning Orc, and he can't find a cure.'

'How atrocious,' said Koridul, disgusted.

'Yeah. So why are you trying to test yours on me?'

Koridul looked uncomfortable. 'I'm not sure how to answer that.'

'Well, anyway, nothing doing. I'm not going to be a lab-rat again.' Amara turned and began to walk away.

An arrow flew over his head.

'Really?' asked Koridul.

Amara dove back under cover. 'Listen, bluebeard, tell you what,' he whispered, 'I'll accept your deal: I'll help you test your experiment, but not on me. We'll go catch an Elf to do it with.'

'Good idea,' agreed Koridul. 'You might not work anyway; you're too abnormal. Even for an Elf.'

'And I know just who to catch!' said Amara, laughing gleefully.


End file.
